How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy
This is a subject that agitates many neurons … If you love two people at the same time how to choose between your boyfriend and another guy: shared feelings, a real attraction for each of the contenders, and a real difficulty in making their choice. If you love two people at the same time then choosing between the two men is not easy. However, most people will tell you that you are very lucky, and that being spoiled for choice is much more pleasant than having no one!
The reality of such a situation is however complex. Hesitating between two people is often experienced as an uncomfortable, frightening, and guilty experience.
This is a subject that agitates many neurons … How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy: shared feelings, a real attraction for each of the contenders, and a real difficulty in making their choice. The confidant VS the charismatic man, the ex VS the new, the stable VS the unpredictable…
If you are in this situation, you undoubtedly need the advice to clarify your situation and manage to make your choice … Because yes, as you know in the depths of yourself, you will have to actually decide. To love two men without choosing is to torture yourself, to make your life hell.
Far from me the idea of suffocating you with the societal principles of monogamy or loyalty … it is on your side that I envision the reasoning.
You are aware that you are going to make one or both of these men suffer, and you already feel enough pressure by the simple fact of being attracted to two different entities.
How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy
In order to enlighten you on this subject, I will address the different themes underlying this question.
Can we meet two men at the same time?
First of all, You do not like to play with the feelings of others. It is all in his honor.
But these men are probably doing the same thing on their side: they also meet other women than you.
My opinion is that as long as you are not in a relationship, you can very well continue to see these two men get to know them a little more in order to clarify her choice.
So, as long as you are sincere and promises nothing to these men, you can continue.
Of course, we must not drag on these meetings either, and we will have to launch out in one direction or another at some point.
I think that from two or three meetings, you have to move up a gear. Because don’t forget, there are other contenders or competitors on these dating sites.
So, if you like a man or a woman, don’t delay too much either.
I’m afraid of making a mistake and making the wrong choice
Many of you feel fear in your relationships and in your life decisions.
You are afraid of:
- making a mistake.
- being fired.
- break up.
- being single.
- being in a relationship.
In short, you live in fear of doing things the wrong way or making the wrong decisions.
My advice is: stop making choices or not making choices because of fear.
If you live in fear, you do not live.
So if you have a choice to make, do it and get started.
But no one can know which is the better choice between these two men.
No one can know if the relationship with one will last longer than a relationship with the other.
No one can know if the relationship with one will be more beautiful and stronger than with the other.
So the only way to find out is to get started and choose one.
Let me explain more about how to choose between your boyfriend and another guy.
How to figure out
Who says you should be in love with one person at a time? If this were the case, you would not be in this situation, if you are there it is good that the rule is false!
So try to treat yourself with kindness, and rather than worry, let’s analyze together what makes you hesitate in your choice.
Why did you come to hesitate between two men / two women?
There are several reasons that can cause a person to develop feelings for two potential partners:
They have complementary qualities
A classic case, you like beautiful blondes with an artichoke heart. One has an artichoke heart, but it is brown and does not fit your physical criteria completely, while the other … even if it is harder you are in a stir in front of its golden curls and its body. Adonis. Sometimes it’s not a question of physical versus personality, but of two personalities who attract you for different reasons.
They offer you different situations
For example, one allows you to get away, especially since he loves to travel and it is very easy to have fun together … but he does not want to land, and the other offers you the stability of ‘a house, a stable financial situation, a circle of common friendships … In these cases, it is not so much the difference in personality but the situation that creates doubt.
They meet different psychological needs
For example, one values you enormously, you feel brilliant and attractive by his side, but the other knows you by heart and easily guesses your least wishes.
In all these cases, the choice is difficult because the two potential partners have important things to offer. But sometimes you have a very clear preference and the only reason to hesitate is that your first choice doesn’t seem to care about you. So it’s more of a dilemma between the past and the future.
In order to advance your positioning and to help you study the question, we will try to highlight the ins and outs of your relationships and to bring elements that I hope will prove decisive in making an objective decision. Love two men yes, but which one to choose?
Confusion and loss of sense of reality
When two men share your heart, you usually see them differently. By trying to remain lucid, you undoubtedly manage to take stock of the positive and negative points of each.
If this is not always the case, we could enlarge the line a little, decide between them by classifying the first in the “best friend” box and the second in that reserved for the “best lover”.
The “best friend” is probably better able to communicate, joke with you, make you feel that you are unique without the need to play a role, or pretend to be someone else. He is attentive, gentle, and makes you fantasize that he may well be the ideal husband or the perfect father …
But the best lover is often more exciting, more beastly, and brings out your glamor and sexy side. You are a woman and you need to feel attractive and desired and even if the agreement is undoubtedly less deep than with another, the alchemy is present and you cannot deny it.
If you love two people at the same time then the problem is that you have to love them for different reasons and that they both have undeniable qualities that do not leave you frozen. You are probably afraid of making a choice, the wrong choice.
You then lose a sense of reality and get bogged down in a double life which will soon prove too difficult to assume: you must react!
Free yourself from the pressures of the future
For the sake of objectivity and to allow you to make a decision without taking into account too many unknown parameters (how will someone be if you get married, or if you have children, how will the other behave if you decide to live under the same roof…), you must base your thinking on the present.
Whatever your feelings for these two men at one point, there is nothing to say that they will stay exactly the same in a different context. So you have to stop thinking about the future. You only have one life, live there now! Loving two guys now don’t mean it will always be.
No one can decide which man is right for you, you are the only one who can feel the flame burning in you when you meet the man in your life.
The fact is that if you think you love two different men, it may be because none of them is the one with whom you really want, deep down, to make your living. Have you ever thought about that?
It is often said that love is exclusive and that once in love you feel the little butterflies flying in your stomach. Is it really how you feel in the presence of these two men, or is it something other than love? Attraction? Fear of being alone? A pleasure to see two people wanting to be close to you?
Anyway, if this phenomenon is unconscious, asking questions is already getting on the right path!
Lean on concrete elements
To be able to make a choice effectively, when this feeling of loving two men is permanent, you must gauge your feelings and act somewhat selfishly: it is time to think of yourself and only of yourself! Loving two guys is not livable. You must consider a solution.
To do this, base yourself on the concrete elements in your possession while transposing their impact on married life: elements such as the sharing of unique moments, the attention that is paid to you or the personal involvement of these gentlemen in your relationship may, for example, be taken into account regarding your final judgment.
I advise you to ignore the “secondary” characteristics which do not represent in any way a guarantee or assurance for a healthy relationship: the social position, the size of the bank account, the understanding with their respective families, the level of culture, or education…
How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy? Advise
I will nevertheless give a little advice that can help other readers make this type of choice.
Do not base your choices solely on your emotions or on physical attraction.
Because your emotions lead you to make short-term choices.
And when we make short-term choices, our relationships usually don’t last.
Of course, the physical is important. Of course, the feeling is important.
But we must also balance our emotional choices with a touch of reflection so that our choice is consistent with the couple we want to create and the relationship we want to maintain with this partner.
So what should we do?
At a minimum, choose the one with whom you think your story will be the most healthy and fulfilled in the long term.
If you love two people at the same time
What should you do with these two men?
If you have a preference, I advise her to get started with this man you prefer.
Of course, you could also wait for one of the two men to take the first step to go further. But what would happen in this case, if it is not the man she prefers who takes the first step?
you would be in an uncomfortable situation.
Also keep in mind that the man you have chosen may not want to go further, or their relationship may end very quickly after the first night.
there are men who lie. The goal is usually to seduce and spend some time with a woman.
It is also for this reason that we must stop asking ourselves too many questions about the choice to be made.
Make a choice and get started.
And if it doesn’t work, too bad. You will have tried and you will have nothing to regret.
In this context, how to choose between 2 different but complementary men?
How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy? TEST
Test the relationship with each of them
The best is to listen to your feelings: with whom do you feel best? If you are mad in love with one, but each meeting is a failure that puts you lower than the ground, while with the other it goes well … why not turn to the future?
If you can’t, it may be that you have one last attempt to make with your ex. What is the choice that makes you feel most in tune with yourself?
If neither of these two people alone has everything you need to seduce you, then you should both refuse them and start looking for your soul mate.
Talking about the future
How to select?
It is often difficult to choose between reason and passion. For example, it may be that one of the two men makes you vibrate but that it remains inaccessible while the other, more posed, would be ideal for family life. But which one to choose ?!
Isabelle (Our Follower) told us:
I have loved two men for almost a year. One is attentive, always there for me, he has plans for us. The other is a traveler I see him more rarely but it is very intense. He never includes me in his projects, however, he tells me that he loves me. I want children and I don’t want to procrastinate too much … I’m lost!
A person who is stable psychologically and emotionally will in principle have more chances of making you happy. If this same person lacks fantasy, however, it is likely that you get tired of it quite quickly. I invite you to answer these few questions:
- Who do I feel most comfortable with?
- Which can assure me a happy life, without frustration?
- Which one gives me the most smile?
- Which of the two appeases me?
- Which makes my heartbeat the most?
- Which would I miss the most if I had to make a choice right away?
In any case, what is undeniable is that you will need a lot of finesse and patience to manage this dilemma while doing the least harm possible. Loving two people is a difficult ordeal that requires you to make a choice at one time or another. You probably know what choice you have to make deep inside. To manage the break with one of the two, I invite you to consult our file which explains how to forget and move on.
Before asking yourself which one to choose, you need to answer a much more important question: what do you really want? What do you expect from a romantic relationship? After all, if you love two people at the same time, it may be a deeper personal problem. Your difficulty in identifying in a concrete and objective way your expectations and your desires.
Why not then go on a retreat for a few days, without contacting either of them to create a vacuum and focus on your feelings? You will probably be able to quickly realize which one you deeply miss and which appears to be only a passing.
If you love two people at the same time, it is a very difficult situation. On the one hand, because someone (or everyone) will suffer at one time or another and on the other hand because chaos and confusion arise naturally from this kind of phenomenon.
Choosing between these two guys requires courage and openness. If nobody can give you the key to this enigma, you can still question yourself because the solution is there, somewhere, buried deep inside of you.
Remember, and don’t let yourself be overwhelmed by the feelings that tear you apart. Keep in mind that only one truth can live: that of your heart. So no, loving two men are not possible, at least not in the long term.
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