Knowing that the person you love has a serious illness, cancer, for example, causes a violent shock. How to live with the illness of the other, to help him to overcome it, to accompany him even in his moments of discouragement? or should you give a man space when he’s sick?

Let me explains to you how the illness modifies your relationships and how you can strengthen your relationship.

Can you love and stay with someone who is sick? The disease can put off, we obviously prefer to be with someone in good health. Some people get stuck, don’t give a chance and can miss something, others don’t take enough account of the consequences they end up suffering from. The fear of seeing the other diminish more and more. The fear of losing it can make you feel insecure and make the relationship uncertain. Is it possible to love in all circumstances, despite our old promises where we were so healthy?

Should you give a man space when he’s sick?

give a man space when he's sick

Physiological and psychological disorders

An illness is an alteration in someone’s health. It is an integral part of life, of interactions with the social and environmental milieu. There are many physiological diseases such as cancer, AIDS, diabetes, infections, autoimmune diseases, multiple sclerosis, hepatitis, asthma, psoriasis, neurodermatitis (skin disease), hyperthyroidism, obesity, herpes … In all these diseases, there is physical suffering to which is added psychological suffering. We can often ask words about organic disorders but this is more difficult concerning psychological disorders, let us quote the main ones:

  1. Psychoses (hallucinatory, acute delusional flushes, schizophrenia …): in these mental disorders, the patient loses contact with reality, has delusions.
  2. Neuroses (hysterical, phobic, manic-depressive): more benign but can cause great suffering and social discomfort.
  3. Depression: mood disorder where the person loses his motivation, his vital impulse, his self-esteem; she can become anxious, tired, sad, have black, or even suicidal thoughts.
  4. Behavioral disorders: eating, social (affective dependence …), borderline personality (great instability and emotional lack), psychopathy, perverse …

The consequences of an illness on the couple

When the couple learns that one of the two has an illness, this does not necessarily signify the end of the couple but the fact is that with this ordeal, the relationship will no longer be exactly as before. There are several cases but in all cases, the spouse is torn: The non-patient wonders if the relationship is still possible and guilty of thinking of leaving the patient (sometimes in the case of a young relationship) while the patient feels guilty for his condition and may himself wish to break up, so as not to spoil the life of the other, even if he loves him.

When we are in love, we think that we will always love the other. We are in a certain fusion, an idealization of the relationship. The announcement of a serious illness will shatter illusions and put the couple before a choice: to face together or to separate. Some know quickly and make the choice to stay with the sick person and support them, others do not know what to do or end up leaving the other because it is too hard. The sick spouse may himself want separation in order not to make the other suffer or because he prefers not to feel the pity of the other or his support by duty.

When the disease comes together

You should know that the disease can bring the couple together, bring them together. Confronting it together can be an ordeal that will make the couple and love grow. At the beginning of the illness, the couple will always need a certain time of acceptance. But the strength of the test will create links so strong that the couple will grow out of it.

People’s reactions: Knowing that someone is sick can have consequences on social life and cause fear, rejection, exclusion from work. The social status of the person concerned can take a hit. The consequences can also be economic: loss of income … and psychological: loss of self-confidence, fear of one’s future and that of those close to you, emotionality …

Falling in love with a sick person

You fell in love, it happened like that, it may even be the first time and the moments spent together are always too short. But now, your girlfriend or your boyfriend has a serious or chronic illness and you, you do not really know how to manage all this. You are often divided between the love you have for him and the worries that cross your mind, you do not necessarily understand everything about his illness, and you are sometimes afraid to tell him about it. You can already tell yourself that what you feel is quite normal. Eh yes! It’s normal to worry about others, especially when you love them. Then you can allow yourself to ask him questions about his illness because when you don’t know… you can imagine everything. And it’s not very good for you!

Most of the time, the other will be happy to see that it is not taboo, that he can also talk about this daily life there, without having to hide or to act “as if” the disease did not exist.

Read: What to say to your boyfriend when he’s sick

How to manage the disease in the couple?

Life of a couple is not always a pleasure, you can have disappointments, be a victim of betrayals, experience breakups leading to heartache. If you have followed my method since its inception if you are a regular reader of my articles you know that nothing is due to chance and that you can perfectly find solutions to the various problems that you may experience when you are in a couple.

However, there are sometimes events which do not prepare, which one cannot change even with all the will of the world. When your partner becomes seriously ill, it is difficult to reach and find the right actions and the right words to improve the situation.

Crossing the disease in a couple is not that easy to manage. It is a difficult ordeal to overcome, especially when the health problem is serious. However, that does not mean that love disappears, on the contrary, it is in these complicated moments that most people realize the importance of their half by their side. So how do you live your family and romantic life when you have to go through such a painful ordeal? Discover my advice to guide you.

Illness in the couple, communication is still necessary

professional get well soon message to clientWhen the disease is present it is necessary to have good communication and not try to protect the partner by hiding important information from him. Transparency is essential at these times because sooner or later he/she will learn it!

If you are the one who suffers from a more or less important health problem you should not go through this ordeal alone. What is the point of being in a couple if you cannot talk about difficult trials with your partner? I fully understand the reasons why you want to do this because you think you are preserving your other half. You do not want him/her to suffer and worry, yes, but the secret is even worse and if the situation worsens (which I absolutely do not wish you), he/she will feel like to have been useless.

It is therefore essential to make the announcement of the disease as soon as possible so that the fight leads to two. Do not try to hide what is part of you because one day or another your partner will realize that everything is wrong. If you have medication, regular medical appointments, and your health, or even your mood, goes down, you are not going to be able to pretend to be well forever.

Obviously, your partner is not a doctor and cannot help you know which treatment is the right one because only a specialist is capable of it, but healing is not only possible thanks to the latter. Your other half can advise and support you in various ways, including by changing your ideas. Indeed, numerous studies prove that morale plays an important role in the treatment of a disease. However, the support of your partner is essential to feel better.

I often say that communication is necessary for a love story, that it strengthens the couple in the face of the disease, it is precisely in this kind of situation that the exchange, the discussions will bear fruit and help to get through these difficult and painful moments. Whatever the age, it is important not to be alone during such a delicate period and it is always good to be able to count on your husband or wife but also on your children, friends, cousins, cousins ​​, and all members of his family.

Read: How to choose between your boyfriend and another guy

Should you give a man space when he’s sick? Saving relationship

When the couple gets sick when one of the two members has to be treated for several weeks or even months, you still want to live your married life almost normally. No, you are not alone, you still have to take care of your love story, even if it is different now and the other has other concerns.

When you know the disease in the couple you tend not to disclose it to all of your loved ones and you are right to want to keep a few secrets. At first, it is better to protect your couple from the outside. Do not give a man space when he’s sick and try to only speak about the disease to those around you, those who can really give you the support you need.

You have to accept the ups and downs even in the couple. However, keep only the positive and accept that life as a couple can sometimes be more difficult than in a relationship where the disease is not present. By doing so you will strengthen your love and not have to worry about feelings in order to focus on your healing or the well-being of the man or woman who shares your life.

An asymmetrical relationship?

Being present for the other is important and you may even tell yourself that you have to protect them. But be careful not to go overboard: if you worry constantly about his state of health or if you do not want to, you play the nurses a little too much (even if from time to time, it is pleasant ), you both risk forgetting the heart of your relationship: love !! Your lover is not with you to be cared for, but because he/she loves you.

Sometimes you can do things that your boyfriend can’t do. You may feel a bit guilty about being healthy, or you may feel like you are giving it up. You may even feel a little annoyed because you can’t do what all the other couples are doing. But in all couples, there are things that we don’t do together. Tell yourself that you also have the right to think of yourself sometimes. It is above all a question of balance to find with your lover, and if you manage to talk about it together, things will be much simpler!

What if my friends and family are worried?

“My parents do not understand that we are living a true love story and that his illness does not scare me”
“My parents do not want me to go to the hospital, they find that I am too young for that ”

You can sometimes come up against the misunderstanding of those around you, who may have difficulty accepting your relationship. Often times, your parents are worried about you. They may not be familiar with your boyfriend or girlfriend’s illness and have certain preconceived ideas. They may also think that you are too young or even too “fragile” to live such a relationship and support your lover and his illness. The important thing is once again to be able to reassure them by telling them about your relationship, and why not introduce them to the one who makes your heart beat.

In a love story, there are often obstacles, and when the disease is embedded, the relationship is further tested. In these cases, you should not be alone. Friends, relatives, and loved ones are there to support you.

Source https://www.apa.org/pubs/videos/4310780

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